oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
