from now on my penis is your penis
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
