im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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