Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When did angry sex become our thing?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
