he puts the penis in happiness.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
