Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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