make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
