jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also, beer. Big fan.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize