You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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