Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
