I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
