now i know why i became what i already was.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize