I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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