He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
