i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
