well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
