They should really pass out barf bags in church
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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