She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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