i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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