i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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