____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
