So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm at about main and main street
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
