So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wish there were birth control emojis
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
