the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
