I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
