dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
