Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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