Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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