Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
