went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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