You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
