No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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