Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize