real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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