about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
