dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
