Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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