I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
