He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
