I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
