i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You're earring is so big in my mouth
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
