I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize