I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
