Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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