Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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