Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
