just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
