Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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