She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Life is so much better after having sex.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize