I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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