I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my being single is dangerous.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
