I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
