Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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