I think I died a long time ago.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
