He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Houston, we have a blender
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
