I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
