Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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