She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
