uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wanna go halves on a baby?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
