I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
