I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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