we're chasing vodka with high fives
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
