she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She even gives head with a lisp.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize