get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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