Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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