is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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