...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Never underestimate the power of titties
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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