i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize