I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
