yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He passed out mid-signature
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
