so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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