Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thank you for not boning my boss.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize