why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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