We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
