dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize