I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
