After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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