apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
even my farts smell like vagina
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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