you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
