Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize