Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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