I am in a vortex of obligation.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
