i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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