Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
