So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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