there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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