I'm going to jail i love you
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
