There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I need moral support for this bender
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
