All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
