just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
