sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize