i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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