Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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