It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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