I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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