Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
