We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
