what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He passed out mid-signature
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
