Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
