Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize