you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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