Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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