You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
