Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize