Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
