Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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