What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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