i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it hurts more in the daytime
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i think i just lost a toe
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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