So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
