I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
