Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
